It's all JESUS

So here I am, past mid semester, and the countdown has already begun! It seems like it's all just started, honestly, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it to end.

This semester has been so full of adventure and fun, as well as trial and pain. The first two weeks here were all fun loving preparation with my NYSUM (New York School of Urban Minsitry) team and then we were off! 5 1/2 weeks later, we had just poured out our bodies and souls to be Christ's love and light in the city...and it was well worth it!

Now, about a month after NYSUM, I have already completed multiple tests in classes that I have only been in for 4 weeks! It's crunch learning and lots and lots and lots and lots (did I say lots?) of reading [okay, maybe it's just me...], but it's all about topics and subjects that I love! I just want to take you through my courses and let you hear the type of things I'm learning here on the hill at EBI:

Sin, Christ, Salvation

This class is full of practical knowledge and wisdom about the person of Jesus Christ and the different ways the Church throughout time has dealt with doctrine concerning him (Christology). It also addresses the original state of man and the doctrine of our salvation (Soteriology). I have enjoyed the class lectures well enough, but have been overwhelmingly surprised by the awesome nuggets of truth I find in the reading. For example, in A Theology for the Church by Daniel L. Akin (pg. 534) it says, in a chapter on Jesus:

Modern scholarship has correctly shown that the Gospels are not strict biographies, but presentations of Jesus told from the standpoint of faith and for the purpose of furthering faith. The Gospels are part of the kerygma, the proclamation of the early church, which means that Jesus can be known [historically] only through the testimony of his followers. Liberal scholarship errs, however, in assuming that this testimony results in a distortion of the historical Jesus. Contrary to the assumption of discontinuity, the New Testament not infrequently testifies to the respect with which the Jesus tradition was held (1 Cor. 7:6, 12, 25). There is reason for confidence that the early church acted as custodian of the Jesus tradition rather than as corrupter of it.

I don't know if that's cool to you...but it is to me! There is so much historical and literal archeological evidence that backs up our faith. We had one of the top biblical archeology guys in the world himself (Dr Scott Carroll) come and lecture us just the other week. I literally held in my hand a cuneiform tablet from Abraham's day and I held the second earliest manuscript piece of the gospel of John in my hands. And they are discovering new evidence daily! I mean- if we knew and comprehended all the information that is out there- and still rejected Jesus- we'd be greater fools than ever. And honestly, I think that may be what is happening in these last days. Jesus is going to become more and more evident and so the rejection of unbelievers will become even more condemning and hardening. It's just incredible.

Anyways! Back to my courses:

Worship Leadership

Man, do I love this class! Definitely one of my tops ^_^

In this class, we go through a workbook written by the teacher himself (actually the Father of one of the sweetest girls here on campus, a good friend of mine, Becca) that he has compiled over years of teaching. He admits himself that it is often more of a discipleship book than anything else (there are lots of Bible verses!)...but we need first to be good disciples of the Lord if we are going to be any kind of leader in worship! So I have learned beautiful things about life and it's trials and the character and hand of God in everything...just too much to even say! I have been convicted about the reason I come to worship the Lord- sometimes for more selfish reasons and not out of a desire to ascribe "worth-ship" to the King of all Kings. It's all too me like a rich spring of wisdom from which to draw. This teacher is like an father who really wants the upcoming generation to learn from his mistakes and learn from his revelations. He wants to uncover the truth and the reality of things right off the bat so we don't have to struggle in coming upon it ourselves. He knows only the Spirit will make head knowledge into heart knowledge and help us to live out what we are learning...and I am all for that. Yes, Lord!

Already, I am encouraged that I don't have to be a "super-star" worship leader in order to start out on the journey. I can stumble and fumble and not do "awesome" in all the technical stuff- but it's about being obedient to God's call, persistent and full of faith that He will perfect me. All that technical stuff is well and good, and I do need more practice, but God is first looking for hearts that yearn for him with a passion and desire to worship "in spirit and in truth." (John 4:23) Amen!

I actually led worship for an hour during one of our praise nights here on campus and God did a fantastic job with it! :D

Basic Christian Counseling

This class may just be my favorite...but I'm thinking it's because it deals a lot with me. (and we all like "me," eh?) It's a class about Christian counseling, but it itself often becomes like a big counseling session....in the greatest of ways! I am learning a lot about myself and the ways that I deal with issues and trauma...with progress and people. I don't know if everyone likes sociology and finding out what all the subconscious thoughts affect in a person--but I sure do! It's so neat how God made us super complex and able to function in this life!

The teachers are a couple and they alternate days that they teach. I love them both so much, but I've grown especially adherent to the wife and her wedding of compassion and intelligent deduction in the area of counseling. Something that gets said around here is that "all truth is God's truth." If the secular world has a theory about psychology or counseling that lines up with Biblical truth (ie. postive self talk and Philippians 4:8), it's the Lord's to use and make prosper.

This class is mainly like a question and answer session, and a lot of good comes out of that because we are learning what we actually have questions about. And I'm looking forward to a cool genogram project that is gonna take things into a generational perspective!

Well, those are the classes that I'm in right now. I've already completed Urban Ministry and Romans, which were great classes, and I'm actually all signed up for next semester! Here are the classes I'll be taking, God willing:

	Spiritual Warfare Basic Worship Piano Synoptic Gospels History of Ancient Israel
	Public Speaking & Preaching I Management For Christian Leaders

I am grateful, too, because the tuition for next semester is over $1000 less than last semester! YES, LORD!

As for how I'm doing personally, the struggle with fibromyalgia rages on, yet Jesus walks to me on the water and I am sure that no thing is more powerful than His name. He has been telling me recently that my concerns should not be higher than Him in my life.

"What concerns are above Me are defeating to you."

That's the truth. When I learn to view God as "high and lifted up" (Isaiah 52:13), 24/7, in any and every time and circumstance, the things of earth become strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.

Amen

NYSUM snapshot

I'm fire surfing and there's one like the Son of Man in here with me! Daniel 3.

Today I returned from my internship in the Big Apple, NYC. It was a time unlike any other, to be sure, and it's wonderful to have completed the journey and come back to the oasis that is Elim Bible Institute. I don't think I have ever been so stretched- physically and mentally especially. It's crazy what a packed schedule full of whole-self ministry and little time for sleep can do to you!

I found that when I had come to the end of myself, God hadn't ended. He just goes on and on and on and His grace is sufficient for me. Even more- His power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

That is a lesson that has come, at the end of this internship, into deeper clarity. My weakness in this present season is, in short, fibromyalgia. It affects my mind, my body, my energy and in turn, my soul and even spirit. It has been a hard journey to give people grace when they can't understand and to give myself even more grace when I need to take it slow and reach out for help.

In a great message at Brooklyn Tab, the speaker said that earlier in his Christian walk he thought it was stupid for people to say you can't do ANYTHING without Jesus. Like tie your shoe or take a shower...but now, he said, he is truly beginning to believe that nothing can be done apart from the grace given by Jesus Christ.

I agree. One great life principle I learned at NYSUM was: have no expectations. Then you can not only have joy, but also happiness. Don't expect anything unless God specifically tells you to. That way, there is no room for confusion or frustration or disappointment.

One of the ministries we went on, COLORS, showed me how to come with an open heart and mind and to let God do HIS thing HIS way. In this ministry, we went to a pier where a lot of homosexuals liked to hang out. We didn't go to preach or necessarily say anything about God....but we just wanted to go there and love on them.

(for this next part, I'm posting a picture of the text due to internet troubles...enjoy!) : ...a lot....
ie. Romans 1:26-27

Another was of the huge lessons I learned while at NYSUM was this: I cannot change people.

The reason I often find myself so frustrated is just that...I can't change people! God is saying "you are not responsible for them, I am." The one change that I do need to focus on is change in ME. It's just like every marriage or relationship issue I've heard of....you can't change them, but you can change you and be the best you you can be.

So that's been a big eye-opener. I guess I knew it in my head, but I never really heard it in my heart. It's been a freer world ever since the Spirit helped me make this important discovery.

And the thing is, even though I just said "you can change you and be the best you you can be," I really can't do that either. JESUS CHRIST in me can. And He is! He is continuing to fulfill his promise to make me like Him. It all comes from Him.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

There is so much more to say, but I will leave it here for now. I'm preparing to start up my classes, so your prayers are coveted!

Also please pray about an idea I have to raise some of the finances for next semester:

starting an online store where people can buy my paintings, poems, and whatever other artsy thing I can come up with for $7 each.

Love and grace to each one.

Carleigh

I am what I am

1 Corinthians 15:10: But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

So here I am, the night before leaving Elim Bible Institute on a 5-6 week internship in NYC at NYSUM, the New York School of Urban Ministry.

I am thinking of all that has brought me to this point and I am grateful for the many people who have been the supply of God to me and my dear support. I love you all a lot! :D

I'm also thinking about what God has been showing me this entire summer about strength...namely, how I have none and He has it all. I am learning, slowly yet surely, that I cannot do anything. God doesn't want me to. He wants me to rely on His strength each and every day, knowing that apart from him, I can do nothing. John 15:5. It's been wonderful to, time after time, watch him come through when I have nothing to give. I am living in more freedom and grace than I have before, and it is incredible. I pray that I will carry this life lesson with me each day I'm serving in NYC...I'll need it.

My fibromyalgia has been such a struggle lately and I am persevering in my commitment to keep up a healthy diet, which will keep the worst of it under control. It's a slow process with many mess-ups and U-turns, but God is faithful to stick it out with me and help me step by step.

I was made a co-leader of one of the three teams that our class is split up into. We call ourselves Team 130 because we are givin 130% in what we do. ;D I'm just a wee bit nervous about leading, but to be honest, I know it's where I'm supposed to be. I can't deny the fact that I absolutely love to lead and be my team's biggest servant and cheerleader. It's how I'm created. I am what I am by the grace of God and I do hope that I will have worked harder than the rest when all is said and done. I want to give 130% to Jesus...by HIS strength, of course! [;

God showed me something at the beginning of the summer: "Carleigh, you're amazing. Get over it." It sounds a bit strange, but it is exactly what I needed to hear. God has been slowly revealing to me how He looks at me, what He sees in me, and how much of a masterpiece I really am. At the same time, He is reminding me that everything I have comes from Him, and there is no room to boast. For what do I have that I have not received? 1 Corinthians 4:7
A lot of times I let myself get backed up into a corner by the fear of pride, but there's really no reason for that. I shouldn't fear pride, I should get over it and not let it have any power to do anything!! By God's grace, that's the path I'm on.

I have to tell you a couple other cool things about this semester:

1. I have a TOTALLY awesome roommate!!! Her name is Britt and she can handle my strangeness and personality very well, which is great. I can also handle hers, hehe, and we like to bounce jokes and silly sayings off each other all the time. I couldn't have asked for someone better. Our colors even coordinate! We both brought mainly green, blue, and orange stuff :D

2. I'm on fourth floor now and I need your prayers to help me up those steps multiple times a day :/ I'm gonna have some serious leg muscles at the end of this semester! :O

3. The teachers continue to be their amazing selves and I am looking forward to my classes this semester:
Urban Ministry (already took it and it was fanTASTic)
Romans (taking it now and absolutely love it)
--- these I will take after NYSUM:
Worship Leadership (really looking forward to this!)
Basic Christian Counseling (a favorite class among students)
Sin, Christ & Salvation (the good news)

4. I'm making new friends, keeping the old, and getting closer to old acquaintances. It's wonderful! I love the atmosphere here--where it's perfectly normal to see a group praying outside on the street or worshiping on the balcony.

5. Chapel every day is such a blessing and I'm getting involved with EGC, Elim Gospel Church, again...which is where I really feel called to go for church. (Which, I've realized, is rather nice, since the church is 5 minutes away across the pond!) I'm also praying about/hoping to get involved in the youth group there.

Well, I might have forgotten somethin...but there you go! God is good and I can't wait for what's ahead. No fear, lot's of trust, and lot's of thankfulness for life. Life is worth living, life is Christ is everlasting, and while we wait for Him to come back, we reign.

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17

Let go and let God.

end. [semester & me]

Don’t Do Anything

In the second half of the semester here at Elim, God has completely blown me away with His ability to do anything and everything that I cannot do. Time and time again, as homework stacked up and it seemed that I just didn’t have enough time in the day to write an essay or do an assignment, things worked out. The essay was written, the assignment due date was extended, I was infused with a sharp mind at a moment’s notice. I am so grateful that God helped me put Him before homework. I came to Elim telling God that I was going to put understanding Him before everything else- before grades, assignments, friendships, and fun. I honored that, by His grace, this semester and often times chose worship or prayer time when there was little time left for homework. Now, all that to say I am certainly still working on the area of procrastination and spreading out work. But God knows that I’m not good at that yet, and so He provides grace as I give my honest best & even when I mess up.

The last month here, really the last two weeks, were the most insane. I had essays and assignments out the wazoo and yet somehow this incredible peace kept me calm and at ease. Talk about a peace that passes understanding! (Philippians 4:7) And I’m serious when I say I believe all the professors here were praying hard for us students- I could FEEL the impact of their prayers, on my brain and my heart. THANK YOU! I could hardly ask for more than for professors who care to pray for me and want the very best for me. So, in the last week I found myself turning out essays that I barely knew I could write, all through the Holy Spirit and a commitment to putting him first and doing good work on the assignments, even though it meant a few were turned in late. Can I testify to something? I got better grades than I ever expected—on every final exam and every final class grade. Who is this God?

The entire last 2 weeks, God told me something over and over nearly every day when I came to Him in prayer asking Him how in the world I was going to complete everything. He said: “Don’t do anything.”

Really, Lord? What is that supposed to mean? It means exactly that—don’t do anything. What I realized only a little bit then as I trusted Him and all the more now as I’ve seen the result of operating in that word is this: God was saying “Carleigh, you don’t do anything. I must be the one doing everything.” When it comes down to me completely surrendering my desire to prove that I’m good enough and that I can pull my own weight, God gets to take control. (He knows I'm not good enough and can't pull my weight--I just need to get on board with the truth) AND HOW MUCH BETTER THAT IS!

I understand a little more how Paul could say “I delight in weaknesses....for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10

I was created to do good works. Not bad works. (Ephesians 2:10) So I can fully believe that now, as a new creation solely by the grace of the Lord, every work he has set before me he has intended for me to do well, to do good. Praise God! That means that He has also made a way for me, through HIS power, to complete each and every good work He has created me for. I really have to practice this one thing: surrender...and I will find that from that weakness and place of humility, where the flesh is crucified and it is no longer I who live, but Christ living in me (Galatians 2:20), that I am strong and undefeatable. Hallelujah! To God be the glory! I cannot begin to describe the glorious freedom, favor and power that come from this simple practice: “Don’t do anything.”

Jesus said “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” John 15:5

In Him, and not in Carleigh, I will bear much fruit. Amen.

Incredible Truth

the INCREDIBLE workings of GOD.

I have only a short amount of time to write, being at the moment in the fix of writing two essays this week alongside an exam and two other reading w/questions assignments...it's most certainly a challenge...and an impossible one were it not for the grace of God!

First, I will share with you some good news: I really felt impressed by the Lord to go ahead and switch to the 3 year program here. I did it just last week and will need to be fully registered for the Fall by the end of this one. How exciting! Elim has so quickly been becoming like a home for me, and my friendships continue to expand and deepen- with students and teachers alike- as the weeks progress. It's crazy to think, yet true, that this semester is more than half over. Wow!

I can only bring praise reports about the work of the Lord here...and at home! He is restoring my self-image, the life of my family, and everyone's understanding of truth and grace all at the same time! There is such a joy and expectation now when I hit my knees- because His plans for me are ever only good. His plans for anyone, ever for that matter. :]

I'll share with you a beautiful thing God did for me today. As I struggled over the image that others had of me here at Elim, God, in answer to my many cries for love and affirmation, told me just what HE thought of me...no questions asked. And I was finally ready to hear him. Throughout my life one of the strongest attacks of the enemy on my life has been the attack on my self-image. I view myself most often as a boring, annoying, awkward, judgmental, lazy, uninterested and irresponsible person. I know that all of this can't be true, but it is all what I have been believing...deep down. Compliments people gave me could never really have the full impact of affirmation because I never let myself be affirmed by the One whose opinion really mattered to me. It was today, this afternoon, that the opinion flooded my poor soul like a river of life. It was today that scales fell from my eyes and the gates of my heart were broken open by love.

To put it simply, though it can never be described, the Lord told me that I am humble, obedient, teachable and compassionate.

This afternoon, I told him that I didn't care if I was knocked down a couple ranks in the eyes of others- or even a lot of ranks...I only cared what He thought. They might think I am prideful and full-of-it and a sycophant (which, by the way, I don't think anyone thinks), but God I know that you see my real intentions. Yes, He said, and He told me all those wonderful descriptors of myself.

Then he said the most wonderful thing. He told me that He is proud of me. Proud of how I have obeyed him and cared for the wellbeing of others and given myself to whatever pleases Him. He is proud of how I have sought truth and sought Him. He is proud.

I was astonished at first. God? Proud of me? How could the God of the entire Universe ever be proud of me? I'm not good yet, not perfect. But He opened the eyes of my understanding to see that He is proud of me right now, right where I'm at. I measure up.

That's it in a nutshell, and the freedom in my deep parts is so wide.

I wrote a song after all of this, and I think it describes a lot of what's happened:

The enemy, he speaks.

Telling me that I'm worthless.

The enemy he cheats

Me of the truth that I'm worth it.

Where can I run from him, where can I go?

Where can I flee from this flow of endless lies?

There's a new day coming right around the bend.

There's a new day when darkness comes to an end.

And I'm gonna stay right where He finds me.

And He's gonna break all the chains that bind me.

His Love is great and nothing else defines me.

He stays the same and nothing can divide me

from Him.

Thanks be to God. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

Oasis Semester

Life at Elim. Where to start?

If I were to write a poem about my life here at Elim thus far, I think it would go something like this:

Oasis that has brought me in

From a hard good desert walk,

Whose water’s source, the nourishment;

the Word’s of One I love.

Whose palms are like His palms,

A rest from weariness.

The sun is dancing truer now

and joy comes like a kiss.

Ever since the first chapel meeting, I have not stopped basking in the joy and love of my Papa. God has progressively been showing me how just how much he loves me. He has been revealing Himself to me and thus revealing my own self to me…because I am in Him and in His love. I am His child and He wants me to understand just how much that means. I feel more free to be who I am created to be and less pressured to play the part of any sort of person. Pleasing God is becoming more important than pleasing man (Rom. 2:29b) and being honest with God about who I am—mind, body, emotions, spirit—has led me to be more honest with myself. It’s all a crazy ride of God-discovery and self-discovery. On top of that, I am discovering God’s great heart for others. Others in my life and the entire sum of “others” here on earth. He has had a mission from the begin to redeem man to himself and restore a perfect kingdom under Jesus forever. I want to be a part of that plan- I am!!

There is so much more to say in terms of what God is working out in my heart, but just know that it is good and if you would, keep me in your prayers.

Some cool facts:

• The cafeteria food changed here and went from a large company into the hands of one of the students here at Elim! It is therefore much healthier and I am able to get along on my diet (still along the basic guidelines of the Candida diet for my fibromyalgia) quite well, only supplementing meals with millet bread products and other healthy snacks (thanks mom and dad)!
• The people here are fantastic. I wasn’t sure about what issues I would be facing socially, but as of now there are no biggies. My brothers and sisters are full of the love of Christ and are working towards humility and selflessness. It’s an encouragement to be surrounded by such people…though none of us are very good at it, for sure, but by the grace of God. I hope to make good friends here that will sharpen me and pour into my life.
• There are so many worship dancers here! Just this morning we had our first 1hr 30min meeting and the 6 of us who made it (more are on the way!) are excited about the future. We are putting together a piece for the talent show & it’s gonna be wonderful and fully for Jesus! We are using "I Need You to Love Me" by Barlow Girl and "In the Sanctuary" by Kurt Carr.
• The classes are awesome! I am not only mentally challenged by the material and workload, but I am spiritually challenged by the example of my professors and the content of my studies. What could be better than a class or an essay that brings you to your knees? Thank you, Lord!
• I have been blessed by God and was given my own dorm room. I am so grateful for this space.
• My student ministry is kicking off next week—I and three others will be leading up a kids/youth group for a nearby ministry that reaches those who wouldn’t feel comfortable in a church, but are interested in weekly Bible study. Please pray for us and the ministry. (loveminstriesonline.com)
• My SOS here, or student service, is 2hrs a week cleaning up and running the little café in our student lounge. It keeps tuition down to have student give 2hrs a week to helping out around campus. I’m all for it and rather enjoy the time.
• Wednesday mornings a group of us are holding an hour long prayer meeting from 6-7am and it’s been lovely. We use the Bible to direct our prayers and focus them on this campus. God is working!
• Getting back here from my winter break last week, it felt like I was coming home. Now mom and dad, you will always be my home, but it was just such a blessing to really know that I am settled here and right in the center of God’s will for my life.
• As this semester reaches the halfway point, sign ups for the Fall semester are right around the bend. I was extremely blessed by so many of you this semester—in prayers and financial support—and was able to pay tuition in full. The Lord surely wants me here, so I know he will provide for the next semester as he wills. I can’t stress the power of prayer in this area. Please do pray if you would, and then give or withhold financially as the Lord directs.
• My love goes out to everyone I know and I am glad you get to hear about the wonderful fruit God is producing in my life. There are hard times ahead, but they are joyful. Phillipians 1.

He is good!