Today I returned from my internship in the Big Apple, NYC. It was a time unlike any other, to be sure, and it's wonderful to have completed the journey and come back to the oasis that is Elim Bible Institute. I don't think I have ever been so stretched- physically and mentally especially. It's crazy what a packed schedule full of whole-self ministry and little time for sleep can do to you!
I found that when I had come to the end of myself, God hadn't ended. He just goes on and on and on and His grace is sufficient for me. Even more- His power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
That is a lesson that has come, at the end of this internship, into deeper clarity. My weakness in this present season is, in short, fibromyalgia. It affects my mind, my body, my energy and in turn, my soul and even spirit. It has been a hard journey to give people grace when they can't understand and to give myself even more grace when I need to take it slow and reach out for help.
In a great message at Brooklyn Tab, the speaker said that earlier in his Christian walk he thought it was stupid for people to say you can't do ANYTHING without Jesus. Like tie your shoe or take a shower...but now, he said, he is truly beginning to believe that nothing can be done apart from the grace given by Jesus Christ.
I agree. One great life principle I learned at NYSUM was: have no expectations. Then you can not only have joy, but also happiness. Don't expect anything unless God specifically tells you to. That way, there is no room for confusion or frustration or disappointment.
One of the ministries we went on, COLORS, showed me how to come with an open heart and mind and to let God do HIS thing HIS way. In this ministry, we went to a pier where a lot of homosexuals liked to hang out. We didn't go to preach or necessarily say anything about God....but we just wanted to go there and love on them.
(for this next part, I'm posting a picture of the text due to internet troubles...enjoy!) : ...a lot....
ie. Romans 1:26-27
Another was of the huge lessons I learned while at NYSUM was this: I cannot change people.
The reason I often find myself so frustrated is just that...I can't change people! God is saying "you are not responsible for them, I am." The one change that I do need to focus on is change in ME. It's just like every marriage or relationship issue I've heard of....you can't change them, but you can change you and be the best you you can be.
So that's been a big eye-opener. I guess I knew it in my head, but I never really heard it in my heart. It's been a freer world ever since the Spirit helped me make this important discovery.
And the thing is, even though I just said "you can change you and be the best you you can be," I really can't do that either. JESUS CHRIST in me can. And He is! He is continuing to fulfill his promise to make me like Him. It all comes from Him.
2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
There is so much more to say, but I will leave it here for now. I'm preparing to start up my classes, so your prayers are coveted!
Also please pray about an idea I have to raise some of the finances for next semester:
starting an online store where people can buy my paintings, poems, and whatever other artsy thing I can come up with for $7 each.
Love and grace to each one.
Carleigh
