It has been a long time since updating this blog, and though it seems unfortunate, it just makes me all the more eager to fill you in on all the glorious work that God has done!
As you may have seen from my last blog, I was planning to take 5 classes this semester. That changed rather dramatically when, after a rather successful start in my classes after NYSUM in the fall, my health and my heart took a turn for the worse.
I went through debilitating days filled with pain and depression and my will to keep going faltered throughout each day. I am so grateful to God that He kept me through all of that. He IS always enough.
So to tell you a bit of last semester's story- after coming to a place where I was not going to be able to complete multiple assignments, I turned to some energy/focus giving medication for the final 2 weeks and got all my work done, praise God! Unfortunately, my fibromyalgia took the medication badly and I went into a flare-up with so much pain during finals week that I was again debilitated....this time not by the mind and fatigue but by literal physical pain. Thus, I got off all these meds for winter break. I saw doctors over break who put me on other meds for fibro, and those each ended up either not contributing to any relief or causing more complicating symptoms.
Over break I realized that life needed to change for me if I was going to learn to live in my new condition. I was no longer the "old Carleigh" who could easily pull off a paper whenever she wanted or fill her day with activity upon activity. God helped me to realize that SLOWing down and leaving little room for stress was the best approach. Through God's grace, I was able to drop 2 classes (History of Ancient Israel & Management for Christian Leaders) and live on campus with only 8 credits. And let me tell you, it's made all the difference!
I have been de-stressed and at rest this semester and it's been so good for me. The Lord gave me a word before this semester started that it would be a good one. I was excited! Oh, and thank the Lord, nearly all the funds came in for this semester--allowing me to rest from the pressure of providing $ while battling health issues and completing my schoolwork. Thanks be to God! He has truly used my brothers and sisters to bless me and I pray and know He will bless them in return.
Speaking of you, my brother or sister, your prayers for me have moved mountains through God's strength. So you want to hear something amazing??
Welll....one night about a month ago now I had come to the point where I was too tired. I was done with the battle over my mind and body and I was wondering if God really did love his creation and whether he actually wanted good for me. I considered leaving Elim, stopping all this "right-choice-making," and just giving up. But my Papa wouldn't have it. That night, he told me to get prophetic ministry at Elim Gospel Church across the lake the next morning at church. I grudgingly agreed, and though my spirit was still rather healthly and joyful, everything else in me was grumpy and put down. But HE WINS! I was able to receive His word to me through prophecy and it was so right-on that I KNEW- far beyond a shadow of a doubt- that God was watching me and listening to me and that the lies I had considered about Him were from the pit of Hell! HE LOVES! HE CARES!
The end of my prophecy contained the words "enough is enough." God was bringing- that day- closure into my life. No more torment and no more pain. Those were His words over me!
And guess what, beloved friend? Ever since that Word to me a month ago, I have had such great freedom and release from my symptoms- every one- that my current state of HEALTH is nothing but miraculous! I am full of gratitude and praise. HE IS FAITHFUL!
I have continued on one medication, Savella, and a vitamin super-antioxidant called pycnogenol (thanks to a wonderful woman's advise at COA) and I am still seeking the Lord as to what steps I should take or refrain from taking in these next months. I have been exercising consistently now and am still sticking to my healthy diet. In all, He's got me. He's got me.
So that faith experience, as you might assume, has brought me out of valley of darkness into an upwards climb towards God's next place for me. In the wise words of Jeannine, I'm "riding the wave." Up and down, down and up- I'm in the boat with Jesus. I'm here and so is He. :)
One other awesome experience I must mention--my grace conversion!
Never before had the gospel pierced my heart so clearly as it did during the week of prayer at the beginning of this semester. We had a week of no classes, with 3 chapels a day. We were focused on encountering God and letting Him do His work and will in us. Well I'll tell you what- HE CAME! On my 21st birthday, January 19th, which was during this week, God struck me with the convicting revelation that I had been seeking HIS glory for myself. He even let me hear in my mind the worship songs being sung to me rather than Him and I was just completely broken. I sobbed and wept like never before. Truly I am a wretched heart! And yet, what beauty he rebuilt from that broken place. Just 2 days later, on January 21st, after a clear gospel message urging us to stop trying to pay penance and to rather receive the gracious all-encompassing redemption Christ already paid with his blood, the Spirit struck me with revelation and opened the eyes of my heart. I cried hard once again, coming from the despair of my inability to gain salvation into the glorious understanding that the work has been done on my behalf and I can live in freedom- no longer trying to spill my own blood for acceptance before Abba.
I am not a worthy sacrifice!!!
Amazing? Yes! I actually "experienced" salvation's freedom for the first time. And now as I'm reading a book called "Discipleship by Grace" by Derek Levendusky, I realize that that event was my "grace conversion." No more legalism and penance- just grace and love and freedom and goodness because of and by HIS goodness, HIS grace!
Wow, that's a lot, eh? :D
Just a few tidbits more:
- my roommate Brit (whom I lovingly call "Hoji" and she calls me "Kai") are SO SO SO good for each other. We are planning, God willing, to even room together next semester and beyond. She stood by me in my illness--doing my laundry and understanding my hard place by faith, not knowing it for herself or seeing it evidently on the surface. She is super wacky with me and we share a common knack for messiness (which we both hope to overcome...:P) She is full of love and conscientiousness that I've not seen in many others. She is a great joy to my heart--certainly a blessing ordained by Papa.
- Spiritual Warfare, one of my classes here, has opened my eyes to the reality of the spiritual battle raging around us every day. I have come to realize even more the authority I have in Jesus name- in HIS character and authority. Submit to God, resist the devil and he WILL flee from you! James 4:7
- Basic Worship piano is AWESOME!! The Spirit even gave me a chance to lead a little "Worship and the Word" in the prayer room this past Friday. Making up songs on the spot from Scripture and praying/singing them to the accompaniment of piano chords is SO cool.
- I get to preach 2 sermons for Preaching class and I'm actually quite excited! I have a real love (and I believe gift) for preaching and expounding on the Word. Yes!!
- It's really all about God's glory. We tried and still try to hijack it- and he responds with life-sacrificing grace unto salvation and forgiveness. wow.
- 3 BIG words for me: FREEDOM, GRACE, GRATITUDE.
- I'm slowly yet surely learning not to rush. It really just doesn't help anything.
- I'm still not sure what this summer is going to hold. Lord, give light. I will follow by your grace.
- I got a new cellphone #, so ask me if ya need it ;)
- For student ministry, I am helping to lead worship for a Sunday morning church service and a Sunday morning woman's Bible study (I'm going back and forth btwn 2 churches) and I love it! I also get to lead a Sunday school class sometimes, which is always a good time. (I love teaching!)
- Look and Listen. I'm learning the beauty of this.
- AWARENESS of the reality of reality is vital. Let's not walk around deceived or apathetic--with Jesus we are called to be much more. Do this for Your Church, dear Lord!
Oh, I could go on and may have missed some rather important things, but all is well. :) Thanks for sticking this blog out and reading it...truly. It's cool that you're interested in my life and what God is doing with it. He's so amazing, eh? SO!
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”
For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”
For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
